Missing a little fun
I forgot to relax. And not just rest or vegetate. Smile and release, have fun ENERGIZE. Where is that? What motion should I stop? Vacation was a breeze, fantastic, perfectly tuned for my state. It's impossible to duplicate it.
I want live music to ring in my sternum. Give me friends and unfamiliar city capitals. Fuck work/school productivity.


Heh. Now I have insomnia. Probably PMS, if not caffeine and stress.

!

I HAD A ROMANTIC DREAM.
A VERY ROMANTIC DREAM.

I also dreampt about visiting part of the Marymount Manhattan campus, decorating a dorm room, listening to a college girl's jaded complaints, and finding a box of iPods,

stealing water bottles and drawing portraits of kids in airports.

Oh, me.

There is no denying it

Fatter but denying it, I stare at myself, can't tell what the outside sees. The frequency of my observations desensitizes me to the picture of my own body.

Where to go from here?

Must I stop enjoying what I eat?
Explore the four letter word, d-i-e-t? Or embrace e-x-e-r-c-i-s-e beyond the bare minimum bike rides and 20-block walks?

Does it matter what I look like? If I adopt the attitude, "Who cares?" am I justifying gluttony or actually ignoring scrutiny?

We have yet to see.

"But if we walked down with our feet, I'd be pulling spines and barbs and foxtails from your skin."

I feel a sickening surprise, in small constant waves.


The shock of losing my work, the total writings of 2006-2008. All my writing is gone, because the online journal :greatestjournal" pulled the plug, fully.

flood

Emotional flooding. I am flooding right now. I'm feeling the emotions well up in me. I am feeling angry, sad, confused, angry, angry, angry, angry, angry, angry, angry. I am feeling surprised, as if someone attacked me and I'm fighting back-- or at least prepared to. I am feeling sad, also, very sad, but happy in the core of me. I know there are brighter futures to be had. There are swaying palms, singing the horizon. There are winds and skies, farms and pies. There are travels to be had. I know that through all this I can come out a better man. I am feeling better now. calmer.