[nov. '11]

Just went out to the porch for a cig and a listen....maybe went too far.  What changed this time?  I think it was the fact that I played music.  I enjoyed first Radiohead album through my headphones.  Right before the last song I came inside to put on more layers.  When I came back out, I didn't like any of the music I listened to.  My focus deteriorated.  Then  Marina came outside mid-trill and asked me to stop singing.

Eh, time to go in.  I came back in and saw a text from Marnie:  "You singin' on the porch, lady?"

It's funny how I get angsty at the change of the wind.

Oh, crap, now Kat smells smoke.  How come this didn't happen last night when I stood outside under the sky with my Nat Shermans? 

Now I feel like taking a shower and washing it all off.  Washing what off?

Frustration.  Exasperation.  The feeling of  trying too love myself.  It is true, close love has not reached its fingers towards me today.